The single biggest reason people never overcome their food issues is when their emotional struggles become the new normal and they just learn to live with it. They’re unhappy, but they’re not unhappy enough to do anything about it. THE WORST TRAP! How does this happen? How is it that somebody becomes morbidly obese without intervening sooner? How is that somebody keeps smoking when they know it’s killing them? DISASSOCIATION! If you take a memory from the past (either positive or negative) and replay it as though you’re actually there in the moment. You’re inside your own body re-experiencing the event as it happened. That’s called being associated. It makes the feelings stronger (whether they’re positive or negative). If you replay the memory from a 3rd person’s perspective - as though you’re watching a movie of somebody else - that’s called being disassociated. You’re watching yourself in the movie instead of being inside the movie. That makes the feelings weaker. It’s exactly the same process that causes people to tolerate a life of mediocrity, or worse, a life of suffering. Why does this happen?
Well, when people try and fail to overcome their struggles with food, they can easily become disheartened, and eventually feel hopeless and helpless. That’s not a foregone conclusion! You can either see failure as meaning you still have something to learn. Or you can see it as proof that you’re irreparably broken and doomed for life.
But if you start DOING hopelessness you’ll then naturally start to disassociate as a protection mechanism. You will metaphorically stick your head in the sand and ignore the brick wall you’re headed towards.
If you’re struggling with food you are already paying a huge cost. > It’s causing you to doubt yourself and lose confidence and self-esteem. > It’s stopping you from being truly present, attentive and engaged with your loved ones. Instead you’re stuck in your head worrying about food, your body, or your problems. > It’s affecting your mood and you’re not being the parent, partner, or friend you could be. > Your children are learning things like how to deal with adversity, how to regulate emotions, how to relate to yourself and your loved ones, and of course how to use food from your example.
It also means you’re not addressing all the underlying reasons that cause binge eating in the first place like low self-esteem, stress, overwhelm, anxiety, perfectionism, over-analysing, chronic worry, people pleasing, etc. And these are going to have so many other costs beyond binge eating. It’s going to bleed into your work, your career, your relationships, your health, and your overall happiness.
The list goes on, and it’s a very upsetting, uncomfortable experience to think about this stuff… so you don’t!
You disassociate. Unsubscribe. Block. Delete. You completely detach from the severity of what this is already costing you, and you don’t even think about the inevitable consequences in the future if you don’t fix the problem.
So, you use softeners. You tell yourself it’s not that bad. Other people are worse off. You tell yourself you’ll figure it out someday, or that the problem will eventually go away with time… but you don’t do anything different! And time keeps rolling on by.
The crazy thing is that ANYBODY can fully and permanently overcome binge eating and emotional eating. But not everybody will because not everybody will be committed to a real solution that actually works.
That takes commitment, it takes facing your fears, it takes asking for help, and it takes being bold and decisive. But if you’re disassociated, why would you bother? Instead you’ll look for quick fixes and band-aids.
Not only do band aids fail to work, they actually make the problem worse! Why? Because you’re gathering more and more evidence of failure which only fuels the hopelessness even more. “I’ve tried everything! Nothing works!”
Now, if your relationship with food really is just a minor inconvenience, then great! It’s probably not worth doing anything about. Just make your peace with the consequences and don’t complain about it because you do have a CHOICE.
But if you’re sick and tired of struggling and you refuse to go one more day living a life of mediocrity, emotional suffering, and not feeling good enough, then make a proper commitment. Commit to doing whatever it takes. Even if it’s inconvenient or scary. That’s what commitment is. You don’t wait for it to feel easy or convenient. You take bold decisive action because you refuse to settle.
If you are ready to really get under the hood of the car and learn a way which will help you break free from food & the scales once and for all, sign up to my next UNLEASHED workshop; I will walk you through the exact steps, I took and which 100s of women have gone through to permanently resolve their struggles with food and start showing up, speaking up AND standing out in their life.